It's funny.....I have thought about blogging so many times, but wondered if there was really anything that I had to share. All I am is a human being trying to get by on a daily basis. What I realize is that what I can share is my experience, my strength, and my hope for living each day to its fullest potential. So let's begin with the reality that is my life. I am a mother of two amazing boys and married almost twenty years. In that time, I have walked through the grieving process when my oldest son was born. Bailey entered this world with grace and dignity along with the diagnosis of Down syndrome. At 27, I was stunned at the news and grieved the lost of a "normal" child.
The funny thing is now I know there is no such thing as normal. In my infinite way, I ran with it. I pushed away my husband and dove into making this diagnosis work for me. By 6 weeks, Bailey was already enrolled in speech and physical therapy. My state of mine was fear. Fear that he won't be able to be independent. Fear that someone would take advantage of him. Fear that I wouldn't be able to be a good Mother to him because I wanted him to be typical. There is a reality that I am not proud of, but there was a time that I thought it would be better if he died.
When I reflect on that now, it occurs to me that I was in a very dark place. Today, I couldn't imagine my life without him. His spirit and his light are forever present. He is funny, independent, stubborn, grumpy, kind.....basically, he IS a typical teenager. Be careful what you wish for:) While living in that state of fear (Future Events Appearing Real), I missed out on some amazing milestones because my focus was not in the present. Today, I strive to live in that present moment. Taking each moment and cherishing it.
"One of the greatest feelings in life is the conviction that you have lived the life you wanted to live-with the rough and the smooth, the good and the bad-but yours, shaped by your own choices, and not someone's else's." ~Michael Ignatieff~
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